Fifteen Months

Dear RJ

Today you are fifteen months old...

...and the temper tantrums are out in full force! You are a very happy child but you're starting to scream and drop to the floor/ground or arch your back and wiggle when something you don't like is happening. Just the other day I watched as you actually rolled around for a good minute and a half, crying! If I try to take you out of room, you drop to the floor so I end up just dragging you out (gently of course) and then leaving you on the floor for a few minutes as you regain your composure. Or, after running around free, being put in the stroller or car seat is like torture so you'll arch and wiggle and try to escape! And sometimes, going into your dark bedroom at nap time is tantamount to having hot pokers shoved in your eyes. After a few minutes of crying, you always calm down and resign yourself to the situation. You realize it's not actually that bad and sit peacefully in your stroller/car seat or go to sleep for your nap.

We've pushed your bedtime back to 8:30 or 9pm this month. You were doing really well on your sleep schedule of 7:30pm to 6:30am but then you just started waking up earlier and earlier. Dad and I were getting really tired (literally) of waking up at 5am. We finally decided to just keep you up later and that seemed to work! You still occasionally wake up at 6 but mostly it's 7am and once you even slept until 7:45! We wish we knew the secrets of your sleeping habits but unfortunately we're mostly guessing at this point. Now that we've established a new routine I'm sure something will change!

You're still obsessed with toilet paper and kleenex. You like to pick up random objects from the floor, little bits of dirt and string and dried up food. For the most part you hand everything over to either myself or dad, but you do love to put the toilet paper and kleenex in your mouth and chew on it and hold it there for awhile. It's like you enjoy the sensory experience of having something soft and squishy in your mouth. But you also love to chew on your stuffed animals and your jacket so I shouldn't be too surprised.

If you get hold of something you're not supposed to have, like batteries, the phone, or a pen, you try to run away and hide with it. But if you notice that we're coming up close behind you and your chances for hiding are very slim, you'll simply throw whatever it is you're holding. It's like your toddler brain is reasoning that if you're not actually holding the forbidden item, then you can't get in trouble. Like, “I don't know what you're so worked up about mom, I don't even have anything!”

You're also obsessed with shoes. You like to throw any and all shoes over the baby gate and into the bathroom. You like to carry shoes around and drag them by the laces. You work so hard and spend a lot of time in the hall just rearranging shoes, picking them up, and putting them down. I've decided that I really don't care if you touch gross shoes because it keeps you happy.

As you're getting older, you're “learning” how to play more. Not that there is a correct way to play but I'm noticing you push your cars along the floor and up over chairs while making a quiet 'vroom' noise. This is the traditional way to play with cars and trucks and it appears as if you've learned that after watching dad or I. You're also pulling your pully-toys along behind you and have even mastered putting your toy fire hat on properly. It's so amazing to think you were once unable to even hold a toy and now you can use some of them the way they were designed!

We're still back-and-forth on the eating thing. For the first couple weeks of the month, you were still very content to eat pureed baby food for dinner. On November 10th, you refused everything and cried harder than ever. I finally gave up and didn't make you eat. I think you were probably hungry though because you woke up at 3am and didn't go back to sleep until 6am. It was a rough night for all of us.

The next day at dinner, I didn't even try pureed food, I just gave you some finger foods like peas, corn, and macaroni. All was well. But then, after a few days, you were refusing finger foods and when I tried the pureed, you liked it! I'm guessing you are very particular about what kind of food you're in the mood for. It might have something to do with laziness. Perhaps when you're feeling extra tired or lazy, you'd rather NOT feed yourself and just have me spoon the mushy stuff into your mouth. Maybe picking up the food and even chewing it is just too difficult. I don't blame you I guess. After all, you're a busy boy! You've got a lot to do during the day! Who can be bothered with picking up tiny pieces of macaroni!?

On November 17th, you gave me quite a scare! I was on the phone watching you walk into the kitchen. You reached up and got hold of a knife that was left too close to the edge of the counter! It took me a couple seconds to realize what I was seeing – I didn't think it was possible that you actually grabbed a knife! But sure enough, it was a knife! By the time I got to you and took the knife away there was already a very small cut on the palm of your right hand. I felt like a lousy mother for letting that happen. Then again, that tiny little cut probably didn't hurt as much as your vaccinations did. You didn't even notice it.

Later that day, adding to my stress, you learned how to climb up onto the couch (and chair) by yourself. Ever since then, one of your most favourite activities is to climb up on to the couch, stand there looking proud, then climb down. Although, sometimes you don't climb down so much as throw yourself off the edge, trusting that someone will be there to catch you. I usually am. Except for that one time. I was using the digital camera to record your fantastic climbing feat and I saw that you were about to throw yourself off the couch. I didn't want to stop recording! So I let you walk right off the couch and fall on your face. I was prepared to deal with some histrionics but luckily you just giggled. Yes, I know, it's so funny to fall off the furniture. I'll have to try that sometime when I'm feeling sad.

You're still not talking a lot but that's ok. You say Dada and Daddy a lot and are starting to say Mama and mum-mum more often. I'm pretty sure you know what they both mean because if one of us says, "Where's dada/mama?" you always point to the proper parent. Just like you can always point to the turtles if asked and certain body parts - especially the NOSE! You also say something that sounds like deedee and I think it means baby because you always say it when seeing a picture of yourself of spotting yourself in the mirror.

You say woof woof whenever you see a furry creature outside the window, be it a dog, a cat, or a giant squirrel. Even pictures of deer get the woof woof treatment. You say HI a lot and you're starting bye (at the appropriate times too!). You really like balloons and are actually trying to say the word. It sounds like, “bloon bloon” but you are pointing at balloons. You're saying "Uh oh" a lot and for some reason, it is often followed by a loud, “DEEEEEEEEEE” so it comes out like, Uh Oh Deeeeeeeeee!!” I wish I knew what it meant.

Other than those few words, you are just full of funny little noises that sound like a completely different language. So maybe your vocabulary hasn't grown a lot, but your body sure has! I remember that at 12 months old you were 30 inches tall and 22 pounds. At 14 months old you were 31 inches tall and 23.4 pounds. Now at 15 months old you are 31.25 inches tall. You actually appear to have lost some weight (22.6 pounds) but I attribute that to all the running and climbing you've been doing! You're getting so big! It seems like every time I do laundry I have to put a couple shirts and a few pairs of pants away because they are too small.

At the end of the month, you perfected your fake laugh. I would do something (apparently) funny and you would stare at me for awhile and then a big smile would appear followed by a very obviously forced laugh. It was like you were thinking, “Okay, so mom did something weird and now what does she want? I had better just laugh to make her happy!” Don't worry, I don't care if you're giving me fake laughs. To me, they're as good as real laughs and I still feel like the world's greatest comedian.

We went to the bank late in the month to see about getting approved for a mortgage. We spent an hour an a half in the consultant's office and you were SO WELL BEHAVED! You sat in your stroller and smiled and ate puffs and played with whatever I found in my purse. You didn't whine or cry or struggle. You probably weren't even aware that you were behaving well, what's good behaviour to a fifteen month old? But I was proud nonetheless.

Later that same day we went to Chapters to look around and play. Dad and I wanted to look at magazines and we thought it would be a nice idea if you got to run round and explore the children's area. There is a giant train set, which is a main attraction, and all kinds of other fun things for kids to do. You really liked the train set and ran to it and squealed. It was very interesting for me to observe you around all the other kids. While at home, I always think you're such a big boy, but in public, surrounded by bigger older children, you looked so small!

You don't understand the rules of social interaction yet so you ran up to the table started grabbing trains. A boy of about five years old was playing with those particular trains. He looked at you, and nastily said, “STOP IT!!” You didn't notice that he was playing and you didn't notice him looking furiously at you. You were just so excited about the trains and for a minute I was actually mad at that little boy! How dare he yell at my child!? I had to take a couple seconds to realize that it was YOU my boy who barged in and started taking toys. I can't make you understand why this is wrong yet, but I did have to be a mature adult and give the trains back to the boy and apologize.

I directed you away from the train table and you were incredibly delighted to throw around a couple sparkly bouncy balls! You ran all over and squealed and then ran back to the train table, grabbed some trains and took off. Eventually we went back to the table when there was just one other little girl playing. You were transfixed and at that point, I knew daddy and I made a good decision to get you a similar train table for Christmas (purchased with Grampa D's money of course!)

We went to see Santa Clause at the mall on November 23rd. You looked very nervous and very concerned so Gramma and I didn't worry about having you sit on his lap. But Santa was very nice so I sat on his knee instead. I told him I was still sad about not getting Ghost Busters action figures for Christmas when I was 4 years old. He said, Well you can't get everything you want you know! That's true, you really can't get everything you want for Christmas. But guess what, RJ, I have everything I want for Christmas this year!! I have you and I have Daddy and I have a cozy warm bed and I think it's going to be one of the best Christmases ever!

American Thanksgiving

It's American Thanksgiving and, while I wish everybody a happy holiday, I want to take some time to remember the fallen First People of Turtle Island. I want to honour the Indigenous people of this land who were slaughtered/tortured/assimilated/raped/marginalized when Columbus "discovered" America. I also want to honour the survivors!

It's great to visit with family and eat delicious food but it's also very important to remember our Indigenous brothers and sisters. Happy Thanksgiving; please honour and remember the First People - after all, they WERE here first.

Things that taste good

Recently, super model Kate Moss was quoted as saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." The Feministing community disagrees and responded to that quote with listing a whole bunch of things that do, in fact, taste better than skinny feels!

I too disagree with Kate Moss's statement. I understand that she's a super model and makes millions of dollars by being skinny, so undoubtedly it probably feels pretty good to make a lot of money. But because I don't make any money for my body and I also think society should encourage and celebrate all forms, not just the skinny ones. So, while it's good to be healthy and eat in moderation, life is much too short to constantly worried about the size on your clothing or the number on the scale.

Here is my list - 40 things that DO taste better than skinny feels:

1. My homemade spaghetti

2. My homemade tacos/burritos/fajitas

3. My homemade chili

4. My homemade stew - Notice a trend here? I love my own cooking.

5. My mom's blueberry lemon cheesecake

6. My mom's apple coffee cheesecake - My mom's a pretty good cook too!

7. A good old fashioned peanut butter sandwich on fresh whole wheat bread.

8. Pizza with green peppers, red peppers, zucchini, black olives, goat cheese

9. Wild blueberries

10. Fresh strawberries

11. A perfect in-season Macintosh apple

12. Pomegranates

13. My homemade lasagna

14. My mom's cheese and bacon soup

15. Grilled cheese sandwich with Velveeta cheese - the way I ate it when I was a kid!

16. Spiced Chai Latte

17. Air popped popcorn with Parmesan cheese

18. Whole wheat tortilla chips with Old El Paso salsa

19. Chocolate in almost any form

20. Egg rolls and spring rolls

21. My dad's scalloped potatoes and lima beans, cooked gross the way he cooks - I do admit to craving some of my dad's bad cooking. I guess it's like a childhood comfort/memory thing.

22. My homemade wild rice and broccoli casserole

23. My mom's turkey casserole

24. Moxie's peach Bellini

25. Moxie's broccoli cheddar soup

26. Moxie's Sesame Thai chicken salad

27. Lot 66's sterling grade steak dinner - Will forever go down in history as the best steak ever. Good thing it's so expensive. It keeps me away.

28. Bacon - so bad for you but I indulge once a year or so

29. Jamison's Irish Whiskey

30. Roasted baby potatoes

31. Stir fried veggies, of any kind

32. Hot Apple Cider in the fall

33. My homemade apple pie

34. Fresh snow peas

35. A&W Teen Burger - another indulgence

36. Schneiders Hot Dogs - a very guilty pleasure, despite the grossness that is hot dogs, nothing has been able to convince me to stop eating them.

37. Crunchy sweet celery

38. Toasted tomato sandwich

39. Salmon salad sandwich

40. Cheese

I could probably keep going and going and going. I love food: healthy food, unhealthy food, fake food, organic food. Sometimes I just don't feel like thinking about the impact a certain food will have on my arteries or the morality of eating animal products.

Waiting

Due to some financial set backs and various circumstances, my husband had quite a few debts to his name before he met me.

At one point, when we first met, Jai said he wanted to have all his debts paid off before moving (to be with me in my hometown). That didn't happen.

While living here and working two full time jobs, Jai planned to get everything paid off before quitting one of those full time jobs. That didn't happen either. He had to quit one so he wouldn't burn out completely.

Then we wanted the debts paid off before getting married... and then before RJ was born. Nope, didn't happen. In fact we accrued more debt - in credit card form - while I was unemployed and then later while we were waiting for my maternity leave money to kick in.

Ever since I've known Jai, he's been paying off the same bills. Less is owed now but they're still there, hanging over our heads. I didn't and still don't care. I wanted to be with Jai and I wanted to start our life together regardless of financial readiness. If we had waited until everything was paid off, who knows if we'd even be together.

All the bill paying for a past that has nothing to do with me is a bummer because it means we've lived paycheck to paycheck and been unable to have any permanent savings account. A bummer yes, a regret? No way! I don't regret any of it! I wanted to be with Jai and I STILL want to be with him.

So now, six years and five months of being together, we are finally in a position where those debts are about to be paid off. We are finally in a position where the debts will be gone and we can start thinking seriously about buying a house. Paying our exorbitant rent isn't exactly helping anything.

So how come, I was perfectly capable and willing to wait for all those years without so much as an iota of impatience? But now, with the end in sight, it's all I can do not to rip my hair out in impatience! Why was it easier to wait around for the last 6 years but this next week of waiting seems impossible.

Either way, I'm happy. Ecstatically and deliriously happy. The huge shadowy debt on our shoulders is about to be smashed. It's a terrific feeling. I'm excited about one day having a down payment for a house and then settling down under another huge shadowy debt, mortgage style.

Flux

At one time, my little boy slept on and off around the clock: two hours of sleep and then up for a bottle, awake for a few minutes and then back to sleep. Gradually he developed a pattern that turned into three naps a day (of about one to two hours each) and sleeping 8-12 hours at night.

For a long time, we would put him to bed for the night at 9pm and he would wake up cheerful at 7 or 8 in the morning. Then he started waking up at 6am sometimes. No big deal. Then he started waking up VERY early, at 3 or 4 in the morning.

It seemed logical to me that if I put him to bed later, he would sleep later, but that didn't happen. I read a book about baby sleep schedules and talked to my mom and both suggested an earlier bed time. Ridiculous! But I tried it.

We put RJ to bed at 7:30 pm and he slept for 12 hours. It was awesome! Apparently an overtired baby will have trouble actually staying asleep for long periods of time. Let him go to bed BEFORE he gets overtired and he'll be able to sleep longer. Who knew!?

For a couple months the regular bed time has been 7:30 but then he started waking up after only 11 hours of sleep. Okay, 6:30, not bad. But then it was 6. Then he started waking up at 2 and 3 and staying awake for hours. I chalked that up to the end of daylight savings time, budding molars and a meningitis vaccine.

After all that had passed, RJ seemed to settle into a very comfortable routine of going to bed at 7:30 and waking up at 5. Comfortable for him, not so much for us. We tried waiting it out, thinking, he can't keep this up forever. Well apparently he can if he only needs 10 hours of sleep a night!

I pushed back his naps as far as I could and thankfully I was able to put him to bed at a later time. With a later nap, he won't be overtired and I'm able to put him to bed at 9pm again. He's been waking up at 6:30 and 7am quite consistently. I think we've solved this issue for the time being.

But that's just it isn't it? For the time being. The only thing constant about a child's schedule is that it's CONSTANTLY changing. We have to figure out what's working or what's not working, do something about it, enjoy it, then do something else when it inevitably changes again.

You mean THAT'S how babies are made?

Upon exiting the grocery store this morning, an older man looked at me, then looked at RJ and said, "Don't you know what causes that yet?"

I assumed he was going to be like most older people I encounter when out walking. There's one man that always says, "HELLO YOUNG MOTHER, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!!" and a whole slew of other regular walkers who always smile and wave or say something pleasant to me and my child. I wasn't expecting anything like what today's old guy said to me. I just said, "He was planned thank you very much" and kept walking.

Then I fumed the whole way home, thinking up more sarcastic or rude things I could have said to him. Like, "Yes I know what causes it and I'll bet you haven't gotten any in years!" Or I could have gone the playing dumb route: "Causes what?!?!?!" Or I could have told him off with a "My reproductive choices are NONE of your business!" Of course what I said was alright and probably the least confrontational.

Maybe he was joking. Does it matter? No it does not. More than likely, he thought I was a teen mother and making "witty" and degrading comments to people he perceives as beneath him is how he gets his rocks off. However, regardless of my age, regardless of how many children I have, regardless of my race or orientation, what I do with my uterus is NOBODY'S business!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

SESAME STREET IS 40 YEARS OLD TODAY!

Sesame street was there for my husband, there for me, and will now be there for our children too!

I love this video because it shows how young everybody was in the beginning!